I hope you read my previous entry about making Christianity not just a label, but an action word. That message was written as much for me as for anybody else because the desire of my heart is to walk in Christ in all aspects of my life, an achievement I fall short of. I want to be a Christian in word and deed. What are the desires of your heart? If the Lord is the love of your life, your delight, He promises to be with you in abundance.
Psalm 37:3 Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the Lord: and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Again I ask what are the desires of your heart? Do you want material things, or cheap amusements? Do you covet after the world and not after God? Does this describe you?
Psalm 10:3 For the wicked boasteth of his heart's desire, and blesseth the covetous, whom the LORD abhorreth.
Psalm 10:4 The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts.
You are probably like me, desiring for the Lord most of the time, but still struggling against worldly desires. Through God, the progress I've made against the pleasures the world has to offer has been great but it certainly has not been complete. That's not a reflection on God because while He could transform you or I in an instant if He see's fit too, He makes us prove we really, really want to let the world go. He doesn't over-ride our free will. As much as I wish God would fully remove all worldly desires from me we aren't robots whom He reprograms with a few keystrokes.
I was an alcoholic from my mid-20's until I was 39 years old and the last five or six years of my drinking days were especially bad. In my late 30's I was convinced I'd be dead by my mid-40's from the booze but I couldn't stop drinking no matter how destructive I knew it was. I had a handgun and even put it to my head and in my mouth a few times, trying to muster up the nerve to pull the trigger. Some days I hoped an accident would kill me. There is no difference between alcohol, street drugs or prescription drugs; when you are an addict life is a nightmare.
I didn't become a Christian until I was 38 years old in 2008 and it was the despair caused by being alcoholic and suicidal which drove me to Christ. As odd as it may sound to most people, now I'm grateful my life had gotten so bad. If things had been more tolerable I may have never sought a relationship with God.
For the first year-and-a-half of becoming a Christian I prayed for the Lord to free me from alcoholism but instead it only got worse. Has something like that ever happened to you? Have you prayed for the Lord to help you with a problem only to see the problem get worse and worse? It made me angry but I had nobody else but God to turn to so I didn't give up. I believe He was testing me to see how much I really wanted to change.
Sometimes people only pray for their circumstances to change. God wants you to pray for the strength to endure bad circumstances, because when you do that you let God change your heart. It took me years to understand it didn't matter if my circumstances were better, if the thoughts of my mind and my heart remained the same I was going to be a miserable wretch no matter what. We are all sinners who need repentance. If you only want a change of circumstances then you aren't submitting yourself to Him as He would have you.
When you are hurting and in need of God's intervention He also tests your patience. Have you ever heard an atheist say he prayed for God to help him a few times but since God didn't fix the problem right away that somehow proves He either doesn't really love you or He doesn't even exist. When is God more likely to answer a prayer; when you come to Him with a sense of entitlement or when you come to Him in meekness and humility? And even if you come to God in all humbleness, if He chooses to let you continue to endure your affliction, will you still love Him?
Take a look at this passage from Matthew. Jesus is talking about loving the people who cause you grief so in context this passage isn't about God, but how we respond to people who don't show love to us. But after you read it take a few moments and consider if there is a way you can apply the same principle to God.
Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Matthew 5:45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
Matthew 5:46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans [tax collectors] the same?
We know "God is love" (1 John 4:8) so obviously He isn't your enemy, He doesn't curse you, nor hate you, nor despitefully use you, nor persecute so you can't fully apply this to God. But how many times have you felt like God treated you as an enemy or was cursing you because He didn't take away your pain, or help you with your finances, or whatever? Did you still love Him? Did you still love Him when it felt like He was persecuting Him? Or do you only love Him when He gives you what you want? If you only love God when He gives you what you want "what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?"
I have personally eye-witnessed people who were on fire for the Lord when their lives were going good. But when hard times came along they were the people who Christ spoke of in the Parable of the Good Seed from Matthew 13:20-21. They initially received the word of God with joy but it took no root, so they rejected God later when the waters became too rough. Don't think I'm puffing myself up as if I never get angry with God when I suffer hardships. To my shame I've had weak moments where I've felt outright hatred towards God. But I always came back to Him in repentance, pleading His forgiveness because without Him I'm lost.
I have also been blessed to eye-witness people who cling to the Lord throughout the tough times. Case in point; my wife. She suffers from chronic pain due primarily to a couple of major car accidents she was in, neither of which were her fault. And before we were married she took a massive financial hit which made things very difficult for her. But also like me she loves the Lord too much to not love Him back even during the tough times.
Getting back to my alcoholism, for the first year-and-a-half after becoming a Christian the Lord gave me no relief at all from that bondage. But He did other things here and there to bless me, to build my faith and keep me seeking Him. Now I realize He didn't give me what I wanted but instead gave me what I needed. I needed to build a relationship with Jesus first before He set me free. You see, if he had healed me from addiction too soon, I would have probably credited it to my own willpower, my own strength. But He made me know with absolute certainty that I would never overcome my addiction without His help. And then in a moment of love and mercy, the Holy Spirit completely took my alcoholism away from me. Done. Gone. And I give God all the glory for it. Rest assured He did it for me 100%. I've met plenty of recovering alcoholics who struggle sometimes to sober. For some people it's a constant struggle day in and day out. But for me there is no struggle; that's how completely God healed me.
God doesn't always completely remove addictions. For example, I also had a disgusting addiction to pornography. I used porn without shame for a couple of decades. Even after I started forming a relationship with Jesus pornography was a shackle that grossly impaired my walk with the Lord. I came up with some just plain stupid excuses to rationalize looking at it. Finally I stopped making excuses for my behavior and pleaded with God to remove the desire for pornography from me. In my walk with God on the day I truly realized how much Jesus loves me, I'd love to say on that very day all of my sinful desires were instantly washed away. They weren't. But over the course of time I began to feel guilty for indulging in things that I knew weren't pleasing to God. Now here's the thing, I knew from day one that pornography was totally inexcusable yet it was one of the last major crutches I was willing to let go of.
I quit things in stages. I used to listen to music by Rob Zombie, Korn, Godsmack, Marilyn Manson, and a few others that no professing Christian has any business listening too. I let go of that garbage pretty quickly. I was also a movie buff and an avid video game player. I watched a lot of profane movies and played some really twisted video games. As a testimony I wish I could say I gave it all up just like that but it took a long time to work that out of my system. I cut out the most offensive stuff first but eventually I gave up the supposedly "family friendly" stuff too, the relatively tame movies and games. I know that a lot of Christians would say that is fanatical to give up movies and video games but I say it's biblical. "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him" (1 John 2:15). But it took a long time to get there. And I would be lying to you if I said sometimes I don't think struggle with the temptation to go back... but I am not going back to the world! For those of you who might think it is fanatical to stop partaking in the things Hollywood is peddling here is the something I hope you will think about. The next time you are watching a movie or TV show ask yourself honestly would Jesus approve of the content, does it glorify God or reflect well upon you as a Christian to be watching it. As an example I was a huge fan of the PG-rated Back to the Future movies, especially the first one. They are widely considered family friendly even though they throw in a few gratuitous swear words to get cheap laughs, but I watched them again for the first time in years 2 or 3 years ago and was shocked that they repeatedly said God's name as a swear word, usually for a punch-line. It was awful. Hollywood is largely anti-Christian and whether you believe it or not they promote their ungodly agenda's in their movies even if it's subtle so really Christians have no business watching what they peddle. I'm so grateful to the Lord I have given up that stuff up. Please don't think I'm patting myself on the back for being holier than thou. It took a lot of effort... and a lot of failed attempts before I got anywhere. And the sad fact is more than anything else porn had a stranglehold on me for years after I had claimed to be a Christian.
As much as I wanted Him to fully remove the cravings for porn just as He did with alcohol it didn't happen. Now it has been more than a year since I pleaded with God that enough is enough; I can't shamelessly look at that filth anymore! I still have images appear in my mind sometimes several times a day. Sometimes I push them out easily, other times I can't seem to get these images out of my head. Like the recovering alcoholics who struggle to stay sober, I have to struggle to overcome porn. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten on my knees and confessed to God that it's my fault the imagery is there, because for years I habitually looked for it. Over and over again I've asked the Lord to erase the memories. He doesn't do it and it upsets me but I think I know why. Pornography is a destructive sin that ruins not only the lives of those who consume it, but also the many wives who find it disgusting, yet they too suffer because their husbands enjoy it. And the couples who have children, they suffer when mom and dad are at odds. It's a vile sin. I believe God lets me be haunted by it so I will never forget how disgraceful it is. It's the thorn in my side to remind me daily that my "adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour" (1 Peter 5:8). Therefore I must remain vigilant. I'm sure Paul wished he could forget the horrible way he persecuted Christians before his conversion but we know he remembered it because he spoke of it in his writings. I don't for sure what the "thorn in the flesh" (2 Corinthians 12:7) he suffered from really was... but I wouldn't be surprised if it was persistent daily memories of the crimes he committed against faithful Christians. I long for the day Jesus comes to free us from this world and "in the twinkling of an eye... we shall be changed" (1 Corinthians 15:52) and even the memory of "the former things are passed away" (Revelation 21:4).
Did you know that in the original Greek manuscripts written for the New Testament, the Greek word "porne" was used 12 times by Matthew, Luke, Paul, James, and John? It's word G4205 in Strongs Concordance and it was translated into English as harlot 8 times, and whore 4 times. The word graph means record, so pornography literally means whoredom recorded. It's disgraceful.
Speaking of Matthew, in his account of the gospel he recorded Jesus saying the following:
Matthew 5:27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Under the spirit of the law when you use porn you are guilty of breaking the 7th commandment. And if you think when Paul said "ye are not under the law, but under grace" (Romans 6:14) it meant you get a free pass to indulge in sin think again because Paul also said "For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries" (Hebrews 10:26-27).
Anyway I hope you don't think I put myself on a pedestal when I share and defend my beliefs. I don't claim to know everything about God or the bible, but I do think I have some really valuable things to share.
I fully believe Jesus meant it when He said "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5:48). That is a command from your Creator. How close to perfect we can get in this life is dependent on how much we trust God and are willing to let Him cleanse us. If I managed to never sin again from this moment forward I would still have a history of sin which precludes me from glorying over myself. As for you "if ye call on the Father, who without respect of persons judgeth according to every man's work, pass the time of your sojourning here in fear" (1 Peter 1:17).
Psalm 37:3 Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the Lord: and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Again I ask what are the desires of your heart? Do you want material things, or cheap amusements? Do you covet after the world and not after God? Does this describe you?
Psalm 10:3 For the wicked boasteth of his heart's desire, and blesseth the covetous, whom the LORD abhorreth.
Psalm 10:4 The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts.
You are probably like me, desiring for the Lord most of the time, but still struggling against worldly desires. Through God, the progress I've made against the pleasures the world has to offer has been great but it certainly has not been complete. That's not a reflection on God because while He could transform you or I in an instant if He see's fit too, He makes us prove we really, really want to let the world go. He doesn't over-ride our free will. As much as I wish God would fully remove all worldly desires from me we aren't robots whom He reprograms with a few keystrokes.
I was an alcoholic from my mid-20's until I was 39 years old and the last five or six years of my drinking days were especially bad. In my late 30's I was convinced I'd be dead by my mid-40's from the booze but I couldn't stop drinking no matter how destructive I knew it was. I had a handgun and even put it to my head and in my mouth a few times, trying to muster up the nerve to pull the trigger. Some days I hoped an accident would kill me. There is no difference between alcohol, street drugs or prescription drugs; when you are an addict life is a nightmare.
I didn't become a Christian until I was 38 years old in 2008 and it was the despair caused by being alcoholic and suicidal which drove me to Christ. As odd as it may sound to most people, now I'm grateful my life had gotten so bad. If things had been more tolerable I may have never sought a relationship with God.
For the first year-and-a-half of becoming a Christian I prayed for the Lord to free me from alcoholism but instead it only got worse. Has something like that ever happened to you? Have you prayed for the Lord to help you with a problem only to see the problem get worse and worse? It made me angry but I had nobody else but God to turn to so I didn't give up. I believe He was testing me to see how much I really wanted to change.
Sometimes people only pray for their circumstances to change. God wants you to pray for the strength to endure bad circumstances, because when you do that you let God change your heart. It took me years to understand it didn't matter if my circumstances were better, if the thoughts of my mind and my heart remained the same I was going to be a miserable wretch no matter what. We are all sinners who need repentance. If you only want a change of circumstances then you aren't submitting yourself to Him as He would have you.
When you are hurting and in need of God's intervention He also tests your patience. Have you ever heard an atheist say he prayed for God to help him a few times but since God didn't fix the problem right away that somehow proves He either doesn't really love you or He doesn't even exist. When is God more likely to answer a prayer; when you come to Him with a sense of entitlement or when you come to Him in meekness and humility? And even if you come to God in all humbleness, if He chooses to let you continue to endure your affliction, will you still love Him?
Take a look at this passage from Matthew. Jesus is talking about loving the people who cause you grief so in context this passage isn't about God, but how we respond to people who don't show love to us. But after you read it take a few moments and consider if there is a way you can apply the same principle to God.
Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Matthew 5:45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
Matthew 5:46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans [tax collectors] the same?
We know "God is love" (1 John 4:8) so obviously He isn't your enemy, He doesn't curse you, nor hate you, nor despitefully use you, nor persecute so you can't fully apply this to God. But how many times have you felt like God treated you as an enemy or was cursing you because He didn't take away your pain, or help you with your finances, or whatever? Did you still love Him? Did you still love Him when it felt like He was persecuting Him? Or do you only love Him when He gives you what you want? If you only love God when He gives you what you want "what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?"
I have personally eye-witnessed people who were on fire for the Lord when their lives were going good. But when hard times came along they were the people who Christ spoke of in the Parable of the Good Seed from Matthew 13:20-21. They initially received the word of God with joy but it took no root, so they rejected God later when the waters became too rough. Don't think I'm puffing myself up as if I never get angry with God when I suffer hardships. To my shame I've had weak moments where I've felt outright hatred towards God. But I always came back to Him in repentance, pleading His forgiveness because without Him I'm lost.
I have also been blessed to eye-witness people who cling to the Lord throughout the tough times. Case in point; my wife. She suffers from chronic pain due primarily to a couple of major car accidents she was in, neither of which were her fault. And before we were married she took a massive financial hit which made things very difficult for her. But also like me she loves the Lord too much to not love Him back even during the tough times.
Getting back to my alcoholism, for the first year-and-a-half after becoming a Christian the Lord gave me no relief at all from that bondage. But He did other things here and there to bless me, to build my faith and keep me seeking Him. Now I realize He didn't give me what I wanted but instead gave me what I needed. I needed to build a relationship with Jesus first before He set me free. You see, if he had healed me from addiction too soon, I would have probably credited it to my own willpower, my own strength. But He made me know with absolute certainty that I would never overcome my addiction without His help. And then in a moment of love and mercy, the Holy Spirit completely took my alcoholism away from me. Done. Gone. And I give God all the glory for it. Rest assured He did it for me 100%. I've met plenty of recovering alcoholics who struggle sometimes to sober. For some people it's a constant struggle day in and day out. But for me there is no struggle; that's how completely God healed me.
God doesn't always completely remove addictions. For example, I also had a disgusting addiction to pornography. I used porn without shame for a couple of decades. Even after I started forming a relationship with Jesus pornography was a shackle that grossly impaired my walk with the Lord. I came up with some just plain stupid excuses to rationalize looking at it. Finally I stopped making excuses for my behavior and pleaded with God to remove the desire for pornography from me. In my walk with God on the day I truly realized how much Jesus loves me, I'd love to say on that very day all of my sinful desires were instantly washed away. They weren't. But over the course of time I began to feel guilty for indulging in things that I knew weren't pleasing to God. Now here's the thing, I knew from day one that pornography was totally inexcusable yet it was one of the last major crutches I was willing to let go of.
I quit things in stages. I used to listen to music by Rob Zombie, Korn, Godsmack, Marilyn Manson, and a few others that no professing Christian has any business listening too. I let go of that garbage pretty quickly. I was also a movie buff and an avid video game player. I watched a lot of profane movies and played some really twisted video games. As a testimony I wish I could say I gave it all up just like that but it took a long time to work that out of my system. I cut out the most offensive stuff first but eventually I gave up the supposedly "family friendly" stuff too, the relatively tame movies and games. I know that a lot of Christians would say that is fanatical to give up movies and video games but I say it's biblical. "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him" (1 John 2:15). But it took a long time to get there. And I would be lying to you if I said sometimes I don't think struggle with the temptation to go back... but I am not going back to the world! For those of you who might think it is fanatical to stop partaking in the things Hollywood is peddling here is the something I hope you will think about. The next time you are watching a movie or TV show ask yourself honestly would Jesus approve of the content, does it glorify God or reflect well upon you as a Christian to be watching it. As an example I was a huge fan of the PG-rated Back to the Future movies, especially the first one. They are widely considered family friendly even though they throw in a few gratuitous swear words to get cheap laughs, but I watched them again for the first time in years 2 or 3 years ago and was shocked that they repeatedly said God's name as a swear word, usually for a punch-line. It was awful. Hollywood is largely anti-Christian and whether you believe it or not they promote their ungodly agenda's in their movies even if it's subtle so really Christians have no business watching what they peddle. I'm so grateful to the Lord I have given up that stuff up. Please don't think I'm patting myself on the back for being holier than thou. It took a lot of effort... and a lot of failed attempts before I got anywhere. And the sad fact is more than anything else porn had a stranglehold on me for years after I had claimed to be a Christian.
As much as I wanted Him to fully remove the cravings for porn just as He did with alcohol it didn't happen. Now it has been more than a year since I pleaded with God that enough is enough; I can't shamelessly look at that filth anymore! I still have images appear in my mind sometimes several times a day. Sometimes I push them out easily, other times I can't seem to get these images out of my head. Like the recovering alcoholics who struggle to stay sober, I have to struggle to overcome porn. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten on my knees and confessed to God that it's my fault the imagery is there, because for years I habitually looked for it. Over and over again I've asked the Lord to erase the memories. He doesn't do it and it upsets me but I think I know why. Pornography is a destructive sin that ruins not only the lives of those who consume it, but also the many wives who find it disgusting, yet they too suffer because their husbands enjoy it. And the couples who have children, they suffer when mom and dad are at odds. It's a vile sin. I believe God lets me be haunted by it so I will never forget how disgraceful it is. It's the thorn in my side to remind me daily that my "adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour" (1 Peter 5:8). Therefore I must remain vigilant. I'm sure Paul wished he could forget the horrible way he persecuted Christians before his conversion but we know he remembered it because he spoke of it in his writings. I don't for sure what the "thorn in the flesh" (2 Corinthians 12:7) he suffered from really was... but I wouldn't be surprised if it was persistent daily memories of the crimes he committed against faithful Christians. I long for the day Jesus comes to free us from this world and "in the twinkling of an eye... we shall be changed" (1 Corinthians 15:52) and even the memory of "the former things are passed away" (Revelation 21:4).
Did you know that in the original Greek manuscripts written for the New Testament, the Greek word "porne" was used 12 times by Matthew, Luke, Paul, James, and John? It's word G4205 in Strongs Concordance and it was translated into English as harlot 8 times, and whore 4 times. The word graph means record, so pornography literally means whoredom recorded. It's disgraceful.
Speaking of Matthew, in his account of the gospel he recorded Jesus saying the following:
Matthew 5:27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Under the spirit of the law when you use porn you are guilty of breaking the 7th commandment. And if you think when Paul said "ye are not under the law, but under grace" (Romans 6:14) it meant you get a free pass to indulge in sin think again because Paul also said "For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries" (Hebrews 10:26-27).
Anyway I hope you don't think I put myself on a pedestal when I share and defend my beliefs. I don't claim to know everything about God or the bible, but I do think I have some really valuable things to share.
I fully believe Jesus meant it when He said "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5:48). That is a command from your Creator. How close to perfect we can get in this life is dependent on how much we trust God and are willing to let Him cleanse us. If I managed to never sin again from this moment forward I would still have a history of sin which precludes me from glorying over myself. As for you "if ye call on the Father, who without respect of persons judgeth according to every man's work, pass the time of your sojourning here in fear" (1 Peter 1:17).
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